At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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