I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He shit in the fireplace
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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