fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
