I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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