nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
