I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
