I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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