My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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