I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
