this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
