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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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