Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My penis needs a shock collar
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
