I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
