before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
