UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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