It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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