Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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