I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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