you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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