Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
