Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize