Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
