my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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