pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
