you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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