My first STD was from a foam party
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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