Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
