he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
