I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
