how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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