I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
