a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
