i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
