I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
