She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
