I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
