I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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