Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
