WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
