Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
