Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The air taste purple.
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