i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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