it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize