Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
