I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
