Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
