I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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