I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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