so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
