this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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