The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
