I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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