I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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