Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
