I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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