my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
