And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
