if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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