Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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