That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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