yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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