you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
