We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
