It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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