nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
