ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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