It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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