I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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