the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
