he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
