haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
