We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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