two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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