She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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