I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
