I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
