i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
